If you are a friend, child, neighbor, employer, professional, or anyone else concerned about possible domestic violence you have seen or heard about... If you have seen, heard, suspect, or are concerned about domestic violence or abuse involving people you know, this section offers suggested actions you can take to help. Be sure to protect your own safety -- if you are in immediate danger, hang up and call 9-1-1 NOW! If you are under 13 years old... If you are a teenager... If you are a family member, neighbor, or friend of someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you are an employer or co-worker with someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you in your work capacity suspect that one of your customers, clients, or patients is possibly affected by domestic violence... If you are under 13 years old... If violence is happening between the adults in your home, there are 3 very important things to remember: First: Keep yourself safe! If adults are fighting, don't try to stop them. The best thing that you can do is to go to a safe part of the house. Some places might be: your bedroom, another part of the house, or even your closet! If you want to do something because someone is being hurt, you can call 9-1-1 and talk with the adult who answers the phone. Second: It's important to remember that the violence is not your fault! When someone hurts someone else, they are responsible, not you! Third: If someone is using violence in your family, it's important to talk with an adult whom you trust about the fighting and some of your feelings. You could choose a teacher, a doctor, a relative, a pastor or rabbi, or even a neighbor. If they don't listen, find someone else you can talk with. All of this may be very frightening, and you may feel very alone. But remember these three things: it's your job to stay safe; the fighting is not your fault; and you can and should find an adult you can talk to about it. If someone is being hurt, you can call 9-1-1 and tell the adult who answers the phone about it. If you are a teenager... If violence is happening between adults in your home, it can be extremely stressful, confusing, and frightening. There are three important things for you to remember: First: Keep yourself safe. When we see someone we care about being hurt, we sometimes want to try to stop it ourselves. If you get involved, you might get accidentally hurt, or the fight might become even worse. Instead, you might call 9-1-1 and report the problem and then go to a safe place for yourself, such as your room, another part of the house, outside, or a friend's house. Second: No matter how the violence started or what was said, it's not your fault. It's the responsibility of the person doing violence. Third: When violence is going on in your home, it can create a lot of feelings for everyone involved. It's important that you find healthy ways to deal with these feelings. Sometimes we want to lash out at others or take it out on ourselves with harmful behaviors or activities. It may be helpful to find an adult you trust to talk with about what is going on. So, remember these three things: keep yourself safe; it's not your fault; and talk with an adult you can trust. You could call the Crisis Clinic at (206) 461-3222 and tell them about the problem. Child abuse should be reported to the Child Protective Service at (206) 721-4115. You might also call Youth Eastside Services at (206) 747-4937. Remember: if someone is being hurt, you can call 9-1-1 and tell them about it. A final note for you if you are over 16 years old and in a dating relationship with someone else who is over 16 years old: If you are experiencing violence or abuse from the person you are dating, you may be eligible to obtain an Order for Protection from your District Court or Superior Court. Information about how to obtain court orders is available here. If you are a family member, neighbor, or friend of someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you see or hear an assault, call 9-1-1. If you suspect a person you care about is being abused, you can help. Your offer of help could make the difference to someone living in an abusive situation. You may suspect abuse if you observe some of these warning signs: Frequent bruises or injuries The person becomes unusually quiet or withdrawn The person is absent from work a lot or quits The person stops talking about her partner The person wears concealing clothes even in warm weather While there is no one right way to help someone, here are some important things to keep in mind: Talk in a safe, private place Take the time to listen, and believe what you hear Don't underestimate the danger Express your concern for the person's safety Don't expect change over night; be patient and continue to offer support Don't judge or criticize your friend's decisions Encourage the person to make her own choices, but urge her to talk to someone who knows about domestic violence Let the person know that many other people are in abusive situations and tell about agencies that can help You can learn more about domestic violence by reading other sections of these pages. As you learn more, you will be more likely to spot friends who need help and to know how to help them. If you are an employer or co-worker with someone who may be affected by domestic violence... If you see or hear an assault, call 9-1-1. If you suspect a person you work with is being abused, you can help. Your offer of help could make the difference to someone living in an abusive situation. Some warning signs of abuse that might show up in the workplace are: Unexplained bruises Lack of concentration Change in performance or attitude Increased or unexplained absence Receiving harassing telephone calls Disruptive personal visits to the workplace Depression or anxiety While there is no one right way to help someone, here are some important things to keep in mind: Learn as much as you can about domestic violence, by reading other portions of this Information Line or by contacting the agencies profiled here. If you observe warning signs, let the person know that you notice a problem and that you are concerned. If the person wants to talk to you, ask what help (if any) would be most useful to the employee (for example, time off for court appearances, security escorts to the car, not transferring calls from the abuser to the employee). Don't allow the situation to become a topic of office gossip. Don't tell the person what to do or judge their decisions. Get help from Human Resources, Personnel, the Employee Assistance Program, or other resources in your company or organization. Managers and supervisors should understand the laws that restrict employers from asking employees about certain health or home life issues. If you need information about these laws, seek out someone in your company who can help you. Your willingness to help can be very important to someone who is being abused. If you suspect that one of your customers, clients, or patients is possibly affected by domestic violence... If you see or hear an assault, call 9-1-1. If you suspect someone is being abused or abusive, you can help. In many cases, your ability to recognize the signs of domestic violence will determine the effectiveness of the services you offer. Because domestic violence is often overlooked or ignored, you can offer better help if you know how to spot it and how to respond. It can initially be uncomfortable to ask people about abusive behavior, but those who have tried it find that it becomes easier with time and improves the work they do with clients and patients. Your response will vary based on the type of work you do, but here are some general guidelines: Learn as much as you can about domestic violence, by reading other parts of this information or by contacting agencies profiled here. Get specialized training. Routinely ask every client or patient about being hurt by a partner or hurting others. Routine asking removes the stigma from domestic violence and helps us overcome our stereotypes of who might be abused. Ask questions in private. Ask questions that help a person to tell you what's going on. You should ask an injured person, "Was this done by your partner?" rather than asking, "How did you get hurt?" The second question makes it easy for both the client and the professional to deny the abuse. Assess an abused person's safety and help reduce the danger. Express your concern that the person may get hurt again. Help the person explore options for safety. Encourage a person who is being abusive to seek help from a specialized batterer treatment agency. Don't agree with any statements that suggest their partner brought on the abuse. There is no excuse for violent behavior. Provide referrals to agencies that can help, such as those profiled in these pages. Develop a policy on how you will record abuse in your files. Consider your relationship with the client, the importance of providing good care or service, and the potential benefit or risk of records for your client. Your ability to help can be very important to someone in an abusive situation. Updated: June 23, 1998 King County | News | Services | Comments | Search