Focus on Employees
Confronting Fear During Wartime
“At the root of all war is fear.” Thomas Merton
With the final declaration of war on Iraq, people are finding themselves afraid. In this situation of threat and great uncertainty, it is normal for us to be afraid. We are “hardwired” to respond to threats to our lives in this way.
We can allow ourselves to be victims and let fear control us our lives. Or we can choose to confront fear and gain control of ourselves in the face of the powerful emotion of fear. We can feel fear but we do not need to be ruled by it. The following steps can help rescue your emotional life from the very real fear and uncertainty caused by war.
Step 1 - Allow the Humanness of the Fear
Fear is a human emotion. It is an important survival mechanism that has helped us survive for thousands of years. Fear is an involuntary response to a threat to our safety. Once we notice we are afraid, however, we do have some choices about what we will do with fear.
Step 2 – Acknowledge the Presence of the Fear
There is a strange paradox when it comes to controlling fear. The harder you fight the emotion of fear the stronger it tends to grow. Emotions are like messengers. You can imagine the emotion of fear arriving on the doorstep of your life and announcing its presence by “knocking on the door.” This “knocking” can be felt as a surge of adrenaline, increased heartbeat, rapid and shallow breathing, or a feeling of uneasiness in the pit of the stomach. If we refuse to acknowledge these feelings by denying their presence, they will only “knock louder.” The symptoms of fear either increase or they are expressed on deeper levels. Once we acknowledge and respect the messengers of fear we can begin to have greater control over them.
Step 3 – Determine the Message of the Fear
Having recognized the presence of fear you can then begin to listen to its wise message for you. This message is different for each person. For one, it might be a message regarding the need to take care of some preparation for increased safety. For another it might be a message to pay more attention to important relationships to make the most of them in the limited time we have. Each person can “listen” to their fear and hear the message for him or herself. (Hint – It will always be about some kind of need. You can find this by filling in the blank as follows: “The fear that I am experiencing is telling me I need to _________.”) You can make a list of all the needs that the fear is making you aware of.
Step 4 – Take Action on the Fear
Once you have determined your needs you can begin to take actions to meet them in legitimate ways. Sometimes there are relatively small things we can do, such as having a safety plan. For another person this need may be more life changing. Even a small action in the right direction can help. It can be as simple as writing down a plan and taking the first step. Anything is better than nothing. Having acted on the wise message of the fear can reduce its intensity. Often times this is enough to give a person enough control over their actions.
Step 5 – Revisit the Fear
It is important to know that this “emotional work” is an ongoing process. New information and new needs can surface in ways that we need to be aware of and respond to. Sometimes the fear can recur as a simple reminder to continue responding in healthy ways. Sometimes we need a deeper understanding of our needs. Whatever the reason, the fear will be something that will likely visit us from time to time just to keep us on track. We can start all over with Steps 1–4 and follow through with further emotional work.
When Fear “Outstays its Welcome”
Despite the wisdom of the emotion of fear and the important messages it gives us, sometimes the fear works overtime and can be “reluctant” to leave. Trauma or constant stress can cause our emotions to work “overtime.” Once you are certain you have heard all of the messages of the fear and have done what you need to do to respond to them you may want to try one or more of these techniques designed to limit the effects of the fear and give us greater control over our life.
Practice Deep Breathing
At first glance, breathing may seem overly simplistic. The truth is, when we are stressed, our breathing is fast and shallow. When we are relaxed, our breathing is slow and deep. Deep breathing is a powerful way to control anxiety and fear. Begin by sitting upright in a chair or lying down on your back. Place one hand over your stomach. When you are breathing properly, your hand will be moving in and out with your stomach. Imagine your breath filling your stomach before filling your chest. Take slow, deep breaths. Doing 10 or 12 deep breaths will lower your heart rate and help you gain a sense of control.
Practice Relaxation/Meditation
A daily time of relaxation or meditation has been medically proven to help lower stress and anxiety. This practice is able to lower our “baseline” anxiety and teach our bodies and muscles what it feels like to relax. There are many programs commercially available. Tai Chi and Yoga have also been proven to provide similar benefits. Many find that cultivating a spiritual aspect of life is essential to controlling fear and finding balance. Choose a form of relaxation or meditation that is comfortable to you.
Monitor Self-Talk
Our thinking affects our bodies and our overall mood. The words we say to ourselves in our head can either amplify alarm and worry or they can help to soothe and relax. Pay attention to the “self talk” that is going on in your head. When you notice a stream of thoughts that are not helpful, you can say the word “STOP!” in your head. Then begin speaking soothing word internally to take your self-talk in a different direction. Affirmations like “I am here now” or “I have everything I need in this moment” are examples of useful phrases to use. Sometimes it is also helpful to ask ourselves a good question that leads our thinking in a helpful direction. Below is a list of helpful questions to give our brains when we want to re-direct our thinking:
- Who do I love and who loves me?
- What am I happy about in my life right now?
- What am I proud about in my life right now?
- What am I looking forward to in my life right now?
Set a “Worry Time”
“If you can’t beat it, join it! As strange as this sounds for controlling fear, it is actually a useful strategy. Begin by setting a regular time for worry each day. Pick a time when you are not normally productive. Pick a time and place where you will not be distracted. Intentionally worry and fret for a set period of time. (This actually is pretty hard to do and we tend to get bored and think of other things.) During the day when a fearful thought or a worry comes to mind, make a mental note to put that on your agenda for your next worry time.
Change Your Beliefs
Beliefs shape our interpretation of our world. Many thoughts that cause fear come from irrational beliefs. We can learn to identify and challenge them and take away their power over us. We can make a list of “evidence” that challenges an irrational belief and supports a rational belief. This process is more involved than other strategies but it is a powerful tool in challenging fear. You don’t have to work too hard fighting the unreasonable beliefs you have, just learn to doubt them more. Are you really so certain that your life is in danger?
Stay in the Present
Most worry or fear is about what we fear is going to happen in the future. Once we have done all we can do for our own safety there is no further need to think about fear. Most of what we fear will never happen. If we stop and take a deep breath and remind ourselves that we are fine “in this present moment” we will likely experience a moment of calm and relief.
Get Distracted
Getting involved in something absorbing can drown out the emotions of fear and anxiety. If we can get very involved in doing something we love – that fully absorbs our attention, playing a game with a child, or working on a project, or dancing – when in a state of “flow” fear and worry goes into the background.
Laugh
Humor is an excellent way to reduce fear. Fear shuts down creative parts of our brain. Humor opens them up again. Reading a humorous book or watching your favorite comedy can be a powerful resource.
Practice Self-care
Self-care cannot be ignored in responding to any emotion. Proper nutrition, appropriate exercise approved by a physician and an annual physical can provide an important foundation for mental health and emotional balance. Smoking, excessive drinking, drug abuse (including medications and caffeine) can contribute to an imbalance and make self-control more difficult. A healthy diet that also limits caffeine can also help.
Call a Friend
Fear can get the best of us at times when we are feeling alone. It can help to call a good friend who is particularly good at managing fear and anxiety. Friends who are upbeat and have a good sense of humor are the best candidates for teaming up with you against worry and fear.
Make a Difference
If we do not like the way things are going in our world, we can do what we can to change it. When we are acting to be a part of the solution we are often too busy to be bothered by worry or fear. We do not have to be Mother Theresa, but we can all work to make a difference in our own community each day.
Get in Touch with Spirituality
Many people have a spiritual tradition to draw upon in times of crisis and uncertainty. Taking the best out of one’s faith-tradition can be a helpful way of “remembering what life is about.” Connecting with others of like mind who are using faith to remain resourceful in the midst of fear can also have a powerful affect. Love and trust can be as contagious as panic and fear.
Consider Professional Assistance
If you find that you are not able to gain control of fear through the strategies above, it may be time to consult a professional that can help you identify your needs and plan a strategy for intervention. Managing emotions is a learned skill. It does not come naturally. Like other skills, it can make sense to consult a professional “coach” in the form of your doctor or a counselor to help you as you learn.
Sometimes chronic fear or anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in
our bodies that affect our mood. Your doctor or psychiatrist can diagnose
any medical condition that may be due to this imbalance. There are a number
of very effective medications with relatively few side effects that help
restore this balance and allow you to live a normal life again. If medication
is not an acceptable option for you there are also herbal and non-prescription
remedies that can be affective. Talk with your doctor about what is appropriate
for you.
Conclusion
War and conflict take an emotional toll on human beings in addition to a physical one. Unfortunately, the history of humankind has always included this kind of conflict. What is new to our time is the technology that has such a great potential for harm. The outer enemy is found in violence and intolerance. The inner enemy is that of fear. If we are to survive, we must learn to manage fear and give ourselves to solutions rather than become a part of the problem. Self-control and the ability to choose how we will respond to the challenges of the present are things that no terrorist can take away.
Steven J. Geske,
M.Div., LMFT
©2003 APS Healthcare Bethesda,
Inc., all rights reserved
Helpful Resources for Managing Anxiety and Fear
- The Stress Owner’s Manual – Ed Boenisch & C. Michele Haney
- The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook – Edmund J. Bourne
- The Feeling Good Handbook – David Burns
- Taming Your Gremlin – A Guide to Enjoying Yourself – Richard Carson
- The Emotional Hostage – Rescuing Your Emotional Life – Leslie Cameron Bandler and Michael Lebeau
- Prisoners of Belief – Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning