Sometimes very young individuals will act or behave in ways that society labels as contrary to their biological gender. Our culture often identifies these children by using derogatory language such as "sissy" or "tomboy".

For some youth, these different behaviors are totally unrelated to their own self-identified gender or sexual orientation. Other young people may have identified from a very early age that they are somehow "different" from others and don't quite fit in to the socially defined norms for their gender or sexuality.

Parents, teachers and peers may recognize these different behaviors and seek to change them. Adults may do this for a variety of reasons. Some adults may be concerned about the safety risks encountered by these youths, who may be more frequently isolated, taunted or assaulted by others. Sometimes adults seek to correct what they identify as unhealthy or unnatural behaviors.

Interventions intended to change "gender non-conforming" behaviors in a child frequently do far more harm to the youth than good. It is much more valuable and helpful for parents and other concerned adults to create a safe and accepting environment for the non-gender conforming child, as they would for any child. Providing a safe environment for exploration will not affect or change a child's ultimate gender identity; rather, this environment will encourage the child's sense of personal well-being and esteem, regardless of gender.

A child who does not fit into socially defined gender norms may or may not turn out to be heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. For most young children, these terms and labels themselves have little meaning. The most important thing concerned adults can do is to not make any assumptions about what a child's gender non-conforming behaviors may mean.

At the same time, it may be important for adults to take steps that may be required to protect a child's safety at school or in other settings. These interventions are best focused on increasing the safety of the environment in which the child is functioning rather than trying to change the behaviors of the child who may be at risk.

Parents and caregivers can also do the following to support a child:

• Teach the child how to protect him or herself from harassment and violence--non-violently, whenever possible.
  
  
• Provide the child with varied gender role models, so that she or he can imagine a healthy and safe adulthood. These may be books about strong girls and gentle boys as well as friends-of-the-family and school staff who proudly and happily live outside the stereotypes.

If a child's own efforts to understand her/his sexuality and gender identity are accepted in a caring and loving fashion, over time the meaning of non-conforming behaviors will become clear -- both to the child and the adults who care about her or him.

To order the Transgender Resource Packet from Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) or for more information about support for parents and gender-non-conforming children send $1.50 to PFLAG, 1101 14th Street, NW, Suite 1030, Washington, DC 20005. Call (202) 638-4200, FAX (202) 638-0243 or send email to info@pflag.org.